Drama in the police station, or, Grammar nerds save the day!

This dream took place in a police station.

A heavily-armed baddie came in and held the police officers on the second floor hostage.

While this was happening, the officers (including me) on the third floor were trying to figure out what to do.

Then, we heard a notification and saw that an email had arrived.

Relief! But no… luckily I recognised that Michael (a second-floor officer), who would have written the email, had left hints in the message that all was not as it seemed. He would never have put a full stop after “All clear”. He would NEVER have spelt “there” wrong. The hostage taker had obviously dictated the message, in the hopes that we’d come down for cake, and get taken hostage too. But Michael and I were able to communicate with grammatically incorrect messages and make a plan to thwart the hostage taker. Woo!

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Hock for pudding

I was somewhere, with someone, and we were eating a meal at a canteen. They had an interesting special for pudding. I couldn’t imagine eating a hock, especially for pudding.

(I looked it up, a hock is indeed “the joint in a quadruped’s hind leg between the knee and the fetlock, the angle of which points backwards” or “a knuckle of meat, especially of pork or ham”.)

The chef came out and was quite persuasive.

So I ordered one, to see what it was like.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but when it arrived, it was not what I expected.

This is what a jolly jelly hock is. All set in a slightly sweet gelatin.

Uncle’s baby

My uncle gave birth to a baby girl. We were all more excited about the baby and alarmed by the fact that he was in his sixties, rather than the fact that he, a man, had just carried and given birth to a baby.

The baby girl’s name was Knight Max, after my uncle’s favourite computer game character.

Bat dream

 

This is complicated, so bear with me.

In my dream, I was dreaming about these bats with husky voices. They couldn’t squeak, so their echolocation wasn’t working. I sprayed helium at them and it gave them their squeaks back, and all was well.

When I woke up (in my dream), at 3 a.m. I wondered if that would really work, and felt I needed to find this out right now.

So I found an emergency vet and asked him. He was a bit puzzled. Unfortunately, I don’t remember if he told me that giving helium to gruff bats would work.

But then I figured I didn’t want to waste his time, so I came up with another vet question. I had all sorts of reasons for not wanting normal pets, and all sorts of reasons for not wanting any of the pets he suggested.

Until he came up with caterpillar mole. Apparently they are very cuddly, not much work, they don’t make a noise or a mess, and they just eat grass. Perfect!

A Christmas surprise

‘Twas the night before Christmas and we were wrapping presents for the children. We’d almost finished, just one left that Michael had bought. Please note that Luke is two years old…

This is the present Michael bought for Luke.

But it’s okay, because we didn’t need to wrap it??

Luke’s real Christmas present, in case you’re worried, was a toy digger. It made him much happier than a snake would have. Snails, on the other hand…

A birthday surprise

It was my birthday and I was minding my own business,when Michael came into the room with an announcement. He was unbuttoning his shirt…

… suspense…

He took off his shirt to reveal a full back tattoo.

They are not. Palm trees are not my thing. They never have been my thing.

Tattoos are not really my thing either. Especially giant tattoos on someone else’s back for my birthday. Oh my.

How to catch a snake

I was camping/hiking/hanging out with some people on some sand dunes, and there were loads of snakes in the vegetation. It was very scary, because nobody knew which of the snakes were dangerous, and there were children around.

Then along came this man who was going to solve our snake problem by showing us how to catch them.

But his advice sounded a little fishy…

Okay, a lot fishy.

I seem to be having lots of instructional dreams at the moment. Please don’t try this one at home. Or anywhere, really.

Guacamole, anyone?

Somehow, I was hired help for a big party.

Perhaps, under some circumstances, a bin would be an excellent container to store vast quantities of guacamole for a party.

But not these circumstances.

How to eat cheaply for a year

So there I was, watching mindless TV, when this piqued my interest. I don’t know if it was reality TV or what, but I was interested.

This couple on TV had JUST got married but wanted to interrupt the festivities to teach us how we too could eat cheaply for a year.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Ooh. Ah. So this couple made a year’s worth of sandwiches from a whole lamb, and other bits and bobs. They’d prepare their sandwiches and freeze them. And eat the same sandwich EVERY NIGHT FOR A YEAR.

A very embarrassing dream

I feel I need to preface this dream with some sort of disclaimer. Partly as a disclaimer, and partly so that the first line or so that shows up in the Facebook preview does not embarrass me. You have to come here to embarrass me.

So, last night I dreamt I was having an affair with… wait for it… Donald Trump. IT WAS NOT A SEX DREAM!! He landed his huge big helicopter in my town, and invited me in, but said he was too busy campaigning to socialise, so I could just take a nap inside his helicopter.

So it was actually a lovely dream, because I got to nap on this giant bed, with nobody disturbing me. I was planning to break up with him when he finished campaigning and did have time to socialise, but for now, the naps were goooood. And his helicopter was called the T-rump.